dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
