I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
