So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
