new low.... made out with someone while peeing
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
this hospital has no fireball
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize