I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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