Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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