The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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