i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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