Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
