Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
