Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
