Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize