and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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