she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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