I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
