Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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