so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
40s are totally the cure
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
