Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
