I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
