i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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