I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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