Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
