from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
