...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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