I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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