Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
