no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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