I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
