The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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