His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
