I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The air taste purple.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
