Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
