strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
