I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think my nap took me to another dimension
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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