i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I touched a dick in church today
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
