my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
