Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
