are you still at the devil's house?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
