How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You have to summon your inner elephant
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
