Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize