so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
