marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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