I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
