We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
