ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so that wasnt chicken after all
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
