OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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