I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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