I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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