Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
