3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
