Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
