I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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