clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
