here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
