Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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