is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
