I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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