I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
