i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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