We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
