It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
