Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
