Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so let's talk penis.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
