This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
