I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
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She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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