listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
