I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
