my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
