He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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