It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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