So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
