there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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