Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
