OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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