When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
